How Teachers wish they could respond to emails. ;)

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Hello, this is John Doeson. I’m a student from your Effective Communications 978 class. I noticed that my grades are very low and I am gravely concerned for my success within your class. I am unsure of what I can do to ensure that I pass your class on my own and am reaching out to you for some dire assistance. Is it possible that you can give me some extra credit work to do that can bring my grade up to a passing score? Please let me know what can be done as soon as you can, I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you very much.

sincerely,

John Doeson

P.S. please?

 

Dear John Doeson,

I’m really not sure what to tell you.

If I may be so bold, you barely come to class anyway, and when you do, you run to the bathroom and never come back every time I play an instructions video in class. Your stay can be as little as just five minutes into the session. Not only that, throughout the day you constantly insist on scribbling in that handy dandy diary that you always bring with you. You take no notes, stare down texting on your phone all day, and raise your hands to make obnoxious left field comments. Let me just also add my fellow brother, that you sure have no trouble at all flirting with that Caucasian student Hannah that sits behind you.

Maybe if I moved her seating position you would pass this course.

-Sincerely, Professor Scott. P.S. Read. The. Chapters…Dumbass.

 

Copyrightcopyright February 18, 2019

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Bed-Rock Shenanigans

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Rock clouds that rain rock rain that hits rock bottom while

playing loud rock music all through the rock atmosphere under the rock sun with rock winds blowing rocks sideways through the rock air that is no air.

For the human is a rock, with a rock mind between their rock ears that doesn’t move.

With rock feet and rock toes that look like stones.

and rock eyes that don’t blink.

Rock noeses breathing the rock air, with rock eyelashes and rock nose hairs, filled with rock snot.

Rock drool is embedded within their rock mouths, under their rock tongues speaking rocks for a voice.

And a rock soul that sinks like a rock, with a rock heart that beats rocks for heart beats.

And rocks for thoughts, with rocks for a conscience, and rocks for ideas, feeling rocks for emotion.

Copyrightcopyright September 16, 2018

Nevada~The Yakuza Queen~ excerpts from my story

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nevada cover

Hunting elves in the forest, removes

you from reality. But then again,

hunting yourself in the forest of your own mind, does the

same thing.

-Roaming Cascadian Caravan Troop

-The rain was heavy today, I could hear the passing Norvedian samurai, their wet geta struck the delicate ground every time. It was only just 5 years into the Genosin Wars, the Insane Elven Regime reclaiming the Dark Elven Territories. “Did you hear that they sacked the Cascadian hold of Arlington? Did you?! Oh my God…They ramsacked it, they only slayed the humans. Many ran! I hear they shoved hundreds of their unarmed kind, men, women, and children off the castle walls! They’re resentment toward their kind is out of reason!”

 

-All I heard from the armored hunched-backs was, “Traitor to your own race!” This, and “Traitor to your own race!” that, “The insane Genosin this, and that! Represent the elven race this” The madness was wicked! Me and my mother and four brothers agree that the madness is damn near on the verge of fascism! I thought the old world wars were abandoned, but the madness in the Elven France has reached its height! Singleport Urla is miserably besieged!

 

 

-It’s barbaric, it’s the medalight. They have it in their DNA. Their flesh is all speckled’ coloured! pink dots, blue dots, green dots, white dots, polka dots! Spots over their eyes! Some look yellow like the high elves, but then they change, some grow tusks like orcs, and then their eyes glow, their pupils gain a yellowish-whitish color. The disease is called Medillus Vitiligo. It stems back before the Great Wars! The new form, however, is manmade caused, and happens when the vaccine breaks down, and they become allergic to the sunlight. Other elven races morph into them, it causes spots. If the vaccine of 2279 was received too late, sometimes that happens.

 

 

 

-I ran out of the house as hurriedly as I could, trying to shake off the rain. I suddenly froze in my direction, looking over yonder past the crusty Burkisha and Friends Izakaya house, to see a gathered bunch of the emperor’s men.

They were all gathered around an awkward high elf woman. The woman was wearing a white kimono, she had a wicked old scar that ran along her left face. I crept in closer to hear what the lot were saying.

 

 

-“But get this though, tough guy!” The yellow woman railed at the samurai, and sassily swiveled her head “I ain’t GOT’s no damned passport! Can you get down wit’ where I’m comin’ from?” The dark elf samurai gritted his teeth, and reached an arm for her, when suddenly the jittery high elf woman threw a grip around the guard’s middle finger and broke it where they stood! “Get’a GRIP, mohfucka!” The insane woman hissed; her face stretched with the most quirky, magnanimous grin I have ever seen…! Her eyes darted and spiraled as the guard screamed for the skies.

 

 

-Next thing I remember, she flipped the dark elf’s arm upside down with him bowed in pain, the others drew their katanas in rage;

the high elf’s derpy expression stretched and warped in enjoyment, and within seconds, I saw four men’s forearms fly skyward without the body into the air by way of her own blade! It seemed her katana’s reach went far quicker than anybody else’s…

 

 

A man’s body flipped to land forward onto his torso, “But you can get down wit DIS’ though, SUCKA!” a swing of her foot into the samurai’s groin left his face to fidget and a whimper, as he twitched every muscle within his face.

 

-The Insane woman called Nevada wrapped an arm backwards over the flailing guard’s neck, and wailed, “Can ya dig it mah homie?” The guard yelled in japanese, I noticed the sweat pour down from all angles from off of the crazed bladeswoman face, “My homie, can you dig it?!? Can. You. DIG IIIIIIIIIAAAT?!” The dark elf uttered from out of his whimper, “Yes….Y-y-yes, I dig. Ack….I dig. I dig-g…It!”

Then Nevada blushed and batted her eyelashes, and released the guard, “Well okie dokey then, son!” she cooed. Then the woman walked forward a little…And stared right. At me.

She made here eyes widen, almost like the owls do. Mine widened too! Then, she winked at me! And her smile suddenly dissipated as she wandered off down the street, and deep into the mist, leaving the guards stunned in disbelief.

 

Copyrightcopyright May 21, 2018

 

Baby Kitten Rhapsody

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Baby kitten, baby kitten baby kitten, going down to rap city;

Baby kitten got’s no where to go, and got’s no where to sleep-

Baby kitten says, what’s there to eat?

Just some trash suckas piled up all in the street.

And baby kitten says, where are all the other baby kittens?

Still out gang banging with other baby kittens-

and baby kitten says, where my moms go?

Smh, moms out in the streets, searching for gold.

And baby kitten, where is this baby kittens POPS?

Pops up and left baby kitten ass, after he up and got shot!

And baby kitten, wtf? where is baby kitten’s brothers?!

What brothers baby kitten? You got only these flip fast sisters-

Shoo, baby kitten got a plan? Shoo!

Naw, ain’t got a leg to stand, baby kitten says, “Man, this place reminds me of the ghetto”

I say, shoo, naw baby kitten, this place reminds me of a damn hellhole!

And baby kitten got nowhere to go, that’ll listen to this kid, spit them beats?

Naw baby kitten, these kids now a’days don’t even read, but I’ll tell you one thing these suckas do though-

they buy baby kittens, right off the street-

that’s black market, son. And it has begun.

That’s why baby kitten with a gun, says run!

 

Copyrightcopyright December 20, 2017

The Insane Cat with a Bat

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Burn baby burn, is the burn you learn

when you’re trying to get the government to learn.

Smoke honey smoke, is the fog of war;

to make the oppressed use tusks as if from boars-

baseball bat, baseball bat;

wielded by an insane cat, used to give the evil elite a good smack!

They will learn by way of wooden chunks;

hurled like Babe Ruth! And Jackie Robinson; at politicians slothful and sleuth-

because coppers that use army equipment;

their necks popped by angry fed up women!

And insane war generals, wearing red, white and blue;

hit like a baseball for homerun,

and all the way to ten-buck-two!

Burn baby burn, used like an advert for peace.

Smash baby smash;

when people no longer give a damn about green…

Ask the insane cat!! Ask the insane cat with a bat!

He knows he knows! He knows how to get congress to act! He says, “Hey kiddies! SMASH THEM SUCKERS WITH A BAT! Use the wood, to smash them derpy suckers good! Smash up the rich, and their neighborhoods…

The insane cat with a bat, says, “HOW YOU SUCKAS FEEL ABOUT THAT?!?”

The insane cat knows, let’s ask the cat:

Question: What if those dudes take away all our money?

Cat with a bat: Lol, that’s easy! Them suckers of war! Just smash up their houses, and force them suckas to give you more.

Question: But what if they send military-style weapons, and then arm all the cops?

Cat with a bat: This baseball bat will give their heads a good POP!

Question: What happens if they poison the media, and call us all criminals?

Cat with a bat: Pff! Them knuckle heads, do they not learn? Use metal steel beams to say, Burn baby burn!

Question: What if they come get us, and our friends?

Cat with a Bat: Then use tree branches to SMACK them and their heads!

Question: But what if they say to the nation, “No more guns?”

Cat with a bat: Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas kids! I say ARM THE POOR, with nearby branch sticks!

Question: What if they throw tear gas at our cause?

Cat with a bat: Those congress elite; every last one of them pigs! I say use big wooden beams, and then give their groans a good kick!

Question: What if they send soldiers, and they still don’t learn?

Cat with a bat: Even this metal aluminum bat say, Burn baby burn…

Question: What if America declares Martial Law?

Insane cat with a bat: Then I say vengeance! And justice for all!

Poem Meaning: Talks about the philosophy of the L.A. Riots, and 1960s riots, only in

a future set place in time in where oppression is so thick.

Seek to fight back with whatever they can, regardless of dying or not.

The idea of fusing Babe Ruth and Jackie Robinson’s image together into one to emphasis how this is no longer a ‘race issue’ more of a ‘authority versus minority’ issue.

 

Copyrightcopyright November 25, 2017